Over the past five months, while looking for jobs, watching old episodes of friends, cooking vegetarian recipes, following blogs, DIYing, and spending time with my mom, I've also been searching.
Searching for...everything. It's difficult to narrow it down because I feel like I've been coming up with ideas right and left; first, I thought I'd move back to Poland and get a job--ah! how nice it would be to go back and live there!! the food, the people, the life in Europe!...didn't happen. ooh! maybe I'll be a nanny in new york city! I could live with a family in Brooklyn, be close to Philip, explore the city! unrealistic. what about being an au pair in Ireland?? I've always wanted to go--I'll feel close to my heritage, I'll live in a new and exciting place..! nothing to do with teaching. not the right path.
And through all of that searching, there was one thing I wasn't searching for...why my faith has waned. Finally, this morning in mass, this was the topic at the forefront of my mind.
religion, my faith, and church
lately, I have been "lost" in certain ways regarding my faith. When I was in Jackson (Ohio), I hated the little Catholic church in town...that is, the only Catholic church in town. So I stopped going. And now I'm in Harrisburg, and I haven't found a church I connect with yet--the music sucks, the priests seem bored, and they are hung up on the new translations. I don't feel anything during mass, so I don't see a point in going. Soooo, what's a girl to do?
I have always loved being Catholic but lately, well, it hasn't been measuring up. Where is the passion and love that priests are supposed to exude on the altar? How can anyone sing their hearts out in mass without a loving choir to follow? And for God sakes, WHY is everyone so hung up on these new stupid translations?! I mean, isn't it supposed to be the meaning behind the words and not the words themselves?
I have a million more questions that I am not going to bore you with, but it feels nice to say them "out loud." I don't expect anyone to be able to answer all of these questions, not even myself. But I ask those questions in order to continue to find where and what my faith is supposed to be.
Tomorrow: Teaching vs. Acting
kkkkkatie
No comments:
Post a Comment